How many times have any of us been asked by a close friend, partner or a relative, to do something we just didn’t feel comfortable doing? When someone we love asks us for help, and if we believe it will in fact help, we are inclined to try and fulfill their wishes. But what if we can’t? What if their request goes against all of our instincts, our beliefs, and our heart? What then?

Suffering

“Carol” came to me looking for relief, several years after her husband, Ed, died from ALS. She loved her husband dearly and supported him every step of the way through his disease. However, there was one thing she couldn’t do.

When Ed was in the end stages, he asked Carol to make him a promise: when the pain got too great for him, he wanted Carol to help him end his life. At the time, Carol agreed. And when Ed’s pain and discomfort did become unbearable, he asked his wife to help him die. But she couldn’t. She just couldn’t. She felt terrible. Her heart broke watching him suffer. But she just couldn’t keep that promise.

When Ed finally passed away, Carol of course grieved for her husband of many years, but she also suffered tremendous guilt for not being able to carry out Ed’s wishes. She had let him down. She couldn’t forgive herself; she couldn’t let it go. 

Searching

With the hope that I could help her mom, Carol’s daughter gave her a reading as a gift. When Carol and I contacted Ed, his response was loving and not at all surprising to me. He was no longer suffering physical pain in his body; Ed’s soul had moved on. He wanted Carol to be able to move on as well. He let her know that he was with her. He described the ways that he contacted her from the other side. For eample, Ed sometimes changed the angle of a picture frame that sat on an end table. The picture was of Carol and Ed. She had noticed the frame was sometimes different from how she had left it. She thought she had felt his presence around her, but she hadn’t been sure. Now, she was grateful for the confirmation.

Carol, Ed and I also “discussed” her guilt. She cried. She apologized. She wished she had been strong enough to carry out his wishes. She said everything she needed to say. And then, Carol’s relief came.

Relief

Ed completely understood. Of course she couldn’t do it. She loved him. It was okay. He loved her for all of who she was, and that included not helping him to die. He so appreciated the way she cared for him and was immensely grateful for her love. Upon hearing all of this, Carol let out a deep sigh through her tears. I watched as the muscles in her face and in her whole body relaxed, letting go of the guilt she had been holding for all this time. Her energy shifted. There was a new lightness to her being. She could now move on.

After this release, Carol did move on with her life. She is thriving in a new house, close to family, and creating new friendships. Of course, she still misses Ed. But her life has moved forward.

Resolution

Sometimes it just helps to hear from someone that they forgive us, that they understand, that they hold a place for us in their hearts no matter what we did or didn’t do. I’m delighted that I could help Carol connect with Ed and find the comfort she needed. I’m gratified to see her energy open and flourish. 

Work  With Me

Are you carrying around something that is holding you back—guilt, anger, judgement, sadness? I’d like to help. Contact me for a complimentary consultation. We can talk about which kind of reading might help you.

What else I’m up to

~   In early July I’ll be on the northern California coast doing readings. Contact me if you are interested in seeing me while I’m there.

~   I’m spending a little time in my garden. Getting my fingers into the soil, weeding and planting, helps me connect to the earth and to a deep place in myself. Plus, the flowers look beautiful and the tomotoes taste great!

~ I’ve begun a gratitude practice, thanks to a chat with friend James Baraz. Follow me on Twitter and Facebook to see more.

With love and light,